I’ve been lurking on the Who Needs Feminism Facebook page for a while now, and I’ve learned a great deal of ways to argue against feminism, which for our extents and purposes, is the radical notion that women and men are equal.
1. Argument from Attractiveness
They don’t teach this one in intro to philosophy classes, but did you guys know that the validity of a woman’s argument is directly proportional to a woman’s sexual desirability? The male corollary to this one is that the validity of a man’s argument is directly proportional to how much pussy he scores. E.g. “You’re an ugly Asian. Argument invalid.” “This one’s a virgin if I ever saw one.” Furthermore, if it is discovered that the woman in question has sex (and maybe even enjoys it??), you can call her a slut and declare victory right away.
2. The Sandwich Argument
This one is fairly simple and versatile. Whenever a woman voices an opinion, you simply demand that she go make you a sandwich. A subgenre of this argument is the, “Get back in the kitchen” argument, which is slightly more adaptable to the situation. For instance, you can ask, “Who put a computer in the kitchen?” Or make funny jokes like, “Why can’t women drive? Because there’s no road between the kitchen and the bedroom” or “If a man hits a woman with a car, who’s fault is it? The man’s, because he shouldn’t have been driving in the kitchen.” The PG13 version of all this is, “Tits or GTFO.”
3. The “Card” Card
Slightly more subtle than the previous ones, this one involves accusing the person bringing up a subject with playing the “x card”. If you’ll recall, Barack Obama was accused of playing the “race card”, probably because he’s black, and because white people never benefit from their skin color. On a discussion of sexual assault or income inequality, a bright young lad argued that women were always “playing the victim card”. Presumably because people who are victimized and then speak out about it have some underlying motive, like not wanting to be victimized.
4. The Naturalistic Fallacy
A lot of times you get people who have taken high school biology or maybe scored over 600 on their SATs thinking that they understand why the world works the way it does. Well, of course men are programmed to objectify women, because that’s how they maximize their genetic legacy, by fucking everything that moves. Of course men are dominant in society, they’re physically stronger, as has been the case since the hunter-gatherer days. Women are evolutionarily designed to be more nurturing and better at making sandwiches. Hume said, “Is is not ought,” but the guy probably died a virgin, so.
5. The Superman Argument
This one argues that we don’t need feminism because it doesn’t accomplish anything in the real world, and it’s just a bunch of angry women posting angry women photos on an angry woman Facebook page. Feminism is all talk and no action, and this sort of discourse on equality is just a huge waste of time. Presumably because feminists, like trolls, spend all of their time on the internet and do nothing to promote their views in the real world.
6. The Starving Children in Africa Argument
Oppression in other countries like Iran and Afghanistan is horrible, and the women over there get shot just trying to go to school and vote. And here we are with our fancy college education, trying to argue over 23 cents per dollar of income inequality. How spoiled and privileged are we? This is legitimate because it’s been shown that the world’s problems can only be solved one at a time, and as long as there are problems elsewhere, we can do nothing to solve the ones at home. That would just be selfish.
7. The Female Supremacy Argument
Feminists are mainly a bunch of penis envying wenches who just want to turn the tables and enslave men or just make them obsolete all together. Feminism is actually an unequal rights movement that seeks to promote the rights of women over men. Hire ALL the women! Give them ALL the reproductive rights! After all, if it were really an equal rights movement, it wouldn’t be called FEMinism. Just like if humanity really included women, it wouldn’t be called MANkind.
8. The Reverse Sexism Argument
You guys already know my views on this one. Oh no, men have to sign up for selective services, just in case there’s a draft that was discontinued in 1973! And women are often favored in custody battles! Haven’t they heard the argument that, if you put a quarter in a vending machine, the pop is yours and not the vending machine’s? It’s absolutely tragic, the way no one respects men anymore and just evaluates them based on their bodies. And the standards for male beauty are just so high! People only like extremely underweight men with enormous penises. Women just want men to be ashamed for being male.
9. The Censorship Argument
Feminists just hate and oppress everyone who disagrees with them. Why can’t people have different opinions? What if I believe men are innately better than women? Don’t I have a right to express that belief? Why do they have to censor my rape jokes, anyway? Clearly the PC police can’t handle people expressing beliefs that are different from their own. All opinions are equally legitimate, after all, even those based on ignorance and bigotry.
10. The Innocence Argument
But I’m one of the good guys! I’m not like those other men who catcall and rape and demand that you get back into the kitchen! Why should I be demonized for the way society has taught us to think? I don’t need feminism because I’m not a sexist! I LIKE women! Especially when they sleep with me!
11. The PMS Argument
Similar to a tone argument, this one accuses the other person of being overly emotional, irrational or unreasonably reactive (possibly because they’re being trolled). When a woman is angry about something, it is often because of her hormones and having blood and tissue drip out of her vagina, and not because she has a legitimate reason to be angry about something. For one week out of the month, men are extra entitled to disregard women, but since you’re never sure when that week is, you might as well do it all the time.
And I could go on, but it gets tiring, doesn’t it?